3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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