I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize