I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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