the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
