Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
