She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
