your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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