The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I am morally bankrupt
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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