Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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