Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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