my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
