I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
