happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
