I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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