He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
