I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
