So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
