my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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