her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I party with great urgency now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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