But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
