After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
