I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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