oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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