We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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