cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
smell my finger.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
