you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
