Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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