We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
false alarm. still invincible.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
