I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
