My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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