I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
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