My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
