Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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