i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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