she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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