Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
