we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
