Tell her she can't have a vagina
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
