after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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