she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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