He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
