She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
