It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do herpes really smell.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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