the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
