you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
