sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
