yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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