if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
