eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
