Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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