Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
