Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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