Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
