Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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