dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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