guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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