I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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