I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
