i don't like sucking hair
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
