Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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