My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
